I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Rock
Scissors
Fuck
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
