dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
