Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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