Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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