Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
