their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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