I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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