Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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