I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
