i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
