I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
