At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
