even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
