Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
