what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
