found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
