If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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