thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize