community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
