There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize