I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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