I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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