you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
