I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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