he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
