I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize