He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
