Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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