If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
