Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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