this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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