sarcasm needs its own font
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
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