At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
