the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
