I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
