I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
