remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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