butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
