Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
im drinking this country out of the recession.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
