I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
