Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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