i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
