We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
