I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
