I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
