woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I lost the right to judge tonight
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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