All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
