My hair reeks of homosexuality.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
