it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
