Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
