You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
