All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
