do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
