I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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