OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
