Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
