I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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