I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
