Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
