I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
