Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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