I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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