she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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