I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
