TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
