You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
