I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
