All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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