My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
