Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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