The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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