Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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