Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
