a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
