After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We're too hungover to prance.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
