Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
